Life is hard, though for some, life may seem like a breeze. Yet even the most privileged of us fall out of hope sometimes and we wonder what’s the use of living. For people like me, a lone parent who struggle day in and day out, trying to ensure my three kids ample nutrition to last them through out the day, hope can seem out of reach sometimes. And so yes, I understand what it means to live in hardship and poverty. I live it everyday, which makes it even more important to act out in hope, to believe in hope, even though it seems elusive, like the Sumatran rhino in the wild.
Today my two boys celebrate their birthdays. It is an achievement to have gotten this far in raising them as a lone parent. But today I feel a sense of failure again because I cannot provide for them a simple birthday celebration. Years have gone by and promises remained promises. I wonder how many lone parents have felt the same way. Know this – you are not alone.
Out of the blue today, I met with my cousin at the coffee shop, and out of thr blue, he just asked me “You are raising them on your own? Keep up the hope. Hope in..” and he pointed up, refering to the God Almighty. Then he told me of a tragedy that led him to become an Elvis impersonator in the US, and the struggles he went through. It made me realise that God has been listening to my prayer the entire morning since I woke up, and sent His message through my cousin. It has made me feel a bit more hopeful.
I realise that although life is hard, I still have siblings I can turn to. I realise also that there are others who are suffering more. I guess it is a bit like the proverb “I complain about having no shoes, and then saw someone without any feet.” But I won’t belittle my hardship. I feel that by doing so, I will do a large discredit towards myself and to God. Ignoring things do not make things less unbearable. Some people ignore to the point of taking their own lifes. We need to acknowledge that we are in pain and tell God about it. We need to acknowledge that we all need each other, especially the support and love.
Like the other birthdays, I hope my boys can forgive me. Not that I don’t celebrate them in this life, because I would give this life for them to have a better one.
Perhaps one day, they will realise how loved they are and how blessed this life has become as a result of them being in this lonely life. They are God’s gift to me. I pray to be God’s gift for them.