More than 10 years ago, I had what I now realise to be an anxiety attack. It is a dreadful feeling, and you’re suddenly realise that you cannot control even your own emotions and feelings. It took me months to get rid of the awful feeling that threatened my very existence. If it weren’t for my children, I probably would have given up hope because the feeling were so frightening and dark. I can still remember feeling as if I was being strangled and how sleeping became a frightening event because I was afraid I won’t wake up that I kept myself awake for nearly one year. If I could sum up my experience then, I would say that it felt like living in hell, literally.
It took quite a long time to get rid of the evil feeling that was lurking within me. Yes, I felt it was evil. And it felt funny because each time I was admitted to the hospital, I immediately started feeling better and that led one of my sibling to think that I was probably just faking it. I wish that were the case. I suffered so much during those days. It wasn’t a nice feeling to feel like something was trying to strangle me all the time. I lost quite a bit of weight and within a short period of time.
How I got rid of my anxiety attack?
I remember resorting to taking medicine to help me get rid of the fright that was making my heart beat so fast, I wasn’t able to catch up on breathing. Something was making me afraid, but the thing was, I wasn’t able to see anything. I just felt engulfed in suffocating darkness, even in broad daylight.
I believed, eventually, that it was due to sinful living. And I detached myself from things and people that I considered ‘not in tune with Godly living’. In just within a week, I was able to sleep peacefully. And each time I felt the suffocating darkness, I started praying more, and it has been over 12 years since I last had an anxiety attack.
The Covid-19 dilemma is affecting everyone in my midst. I try to be optimistic all the time, but in recent days, I am finding myself overworked. I used to love my work, but for the last several months, I have been finding myself unable to concentrate. Nearing 50, I guess this is partly because of aging. And perhaps it is also the lack of sleep and rest. I have been working myself incessantly for months to earn an extra cash and put food on our table. It is hard being the lone parent. At times, I find myself wondering about my late mother and how much she has helped me and my little ones. I pray that she is in heaven because she has done so much out of love. Even when she was ill, herself. Thinking of her would sometimes make me cry, but most of the time, I am filled with so much love and gratitude. I feel truly blessed to have my amazing parents and my wonderful children and siblings.
Anyway, I’ve been overworking myself so much that I could fall asleep the moment I close my eyes. I know that this is a blessing too, especially when I hear of people unable to sleep for days and days. Even when they feel so tired. I have no problem with sleeping at all. And my slumber is always sweet but unfortunately, never enough.
My recent attack – anxiety attack — happened just now, as I was taking a shower. I was just thinking of my registration to be vaccinated and all these thoughts of people dying from vaccination started popping into my thoughts. It didn’t take long for me to start regretting about my decision to register for the vaccination, and I started having fears for my children too.
Entertain negative thoughts long enough and you’re bound to becoming anxious
Honestly speaking, I didn’t expect myself to suddenly feel those dark thoughts and feelings again. I felt like I wanted to run away; I felt like I wasn’t able the breathe again — it was the same familiar feeling. Suddenly, I was entertaining thoughts of not being able to cope with the effect of the impending vaccination and I felt like I was being strangled by my own negative thoughts.
But was it really me? Or was there something feeding those thoughts to me?
Without realising it, I began reciting the Our Father and Hail Mary prayers. I wasn’t expecting a miracle – especially an immediate one, but it happened. The feeling of anxiety and dark strangling feeling left me as I recited the Our Father. And it dawned on me that anxiety attack is really an attack of something evil. It takes prayers to get rid of it. Unfortunately, not many people pray anymore. People prefer popping pills rather than pray and it is all because many have lost faith that saying a few words can have any positive impact because science says it is not possible and that God does not exist.
Science can be so lacking in inspiration as it strives to explain everything without the creator, only to have one scientist after another debunking each other’s prized research findings. Some of them say the earth is flat, and others say the earth is round, and now we are again getting some saying the world is flat once again. When will they ever find out the truth about anything? And imagine, we are ask to put our faith on people who cannot even decide whether the world is flat or round, or more importantly, decide on what they would eat for dinner.
Placing my faith on God is worth more than anything. Today, it has helped me get rid of my anxiety attack. I know for certain that faith in God will get me through anything and everything that’s bad coming my way. Including future anxiety attacks.